Diary of a Careworker – Setting Boundaries
We care. We want to make life a little brighter; a little easier for our clients, so we go the ‘extra mile’. But when is it a mile too far for us? Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most important lessons we can learn to prevent burnout and undue stress.
‘A Mile too Far …’
I worked with a young man with lower-limb paralysis, and who had the most amazing positive approach to life. We got on well, and one day he asked me to be his ‘walk wingwoman’ for a fundraiser in support of a paraplegia charity. I felt, in all honesty, that this was perhaps beyond me, but I could see it was incredibly important to him; so I agreed.
Soon after, we set about practising for the 8-mile walk, both taking turns to propel his chair. I found it hard. In fact, about halfway into our ‘training’, my knee began to ache. Carelessly, I ignored it, putting his excitement well before my slightly dicky knee.
Some Sound Advice
Perhaps predictably, about a week before the event, I woke up to find my knee swelled up like a bunch of misshapen grapes – not pretty. I knew I was going to have to ‘bail out’. Feeling awful, I spoke to a colleague, who offered to take my place (she did these kind of things for fun:), but also gave me some sound advice, as an ‘over-giver’, which I share with new careworkers regularly. I’m paraphrasing, but here it is in a nutshell:
- Healthy boundaries make better carers: Your health is at the heart of the good care you provide. Without it, nothing else works.
- Know why you’re over-giving: Chronic over-givers may be doing so for different reasons: perhaps out of a need to be needed, or because we’re deflecting from our own worries by caring for others. We need to ensure that the ‘extra’ we’re doing is always coming from a healthy place.
- Selflessness is not in your job description! Ultimately, you are employed to support your client. Empathy and concern are a natural part of what you give as a careworker, but over-giving at the expense of your own wellbeing is not!
I took up my colleague’s offer and her sound advice, realising that I should have declined at the outset; I needed to rethink my boundaries. My client was fine about it – he was just delighted that he would still have support on the day.
… And he certainly did; with not one, but 3 ‘wingwomen’, all colleagues, walking along beside him and taking turns propelling his wheelchair to the finish line, where I was waiting with a high-five, a lumpy knee …and a lesson learned
Healthy Boundaries make Better Carers
Yes, we want to do all that we can for those we support, but we do our best when we’re at our best. And keeping ourselves in check with clear healthy boundaries on what we can – and can’t do – helps us to continue doing just that.
My colleague’s wise last words on the matter made me realise how little attention I had paid to my own wellbeing: “Caring is sharing”, she said, “but a sponsored walk with a gammy knee is just plain daft’. Again, she was spot on.
