Diary of a Careworker – Giving Hope

When life gets tricky, it can be hard to imagine better times; even the best of us ‘tough cookies’ can soften if we’re treading in the mud for too long! Good health, a strong support network, and ongoing interests or responsibilities, like family or work, all help to motivate us to keep us pushing through hard times.

Inspiring action

But what if we don’t have these things in abundance? Isolation, poor health and scattered – or busy – families can often make it more difficult for older people to find the inner resilience to work through trying times.  And over the years, I’ve found that, as a care worker, fostering hope and inspiring action can be a critical part of what we do for those we care for, helping them to regain their confidence and belief that things can be better.

Instilling hope after illness

However, there’s more to it than simply assuring a client that ‘Things will be alright’ – as comforting as that can be. We need to find what inspires a person to be an active part of the solution. This is one of the key principles of intrinsic motivation.

One of my clients, Joe, a relatively young man in his sixties, had, after a second stroke, become less and less independent in his home. The problem was not that he couldn’t do things – he had simply resigned himself to the fact that there was nothing he could do about his paralysis, and quickly stopped trying.

Learned helplessness

Seligman talks of ‘learned helplessness’ – a state of believing that you can’t escape a negative event, and therefore accepting all that happens, without fighting to overcome or avoid it. Despite very real physical barriers that can be there, a lot of it is to do with the mindset that we adopt. The good news is, a mindset can be altered – to varying degrees of course – but with a little support, we can work towards overcoming that overbearing feeling that a situation is ‘hope-less’.

And hope is the key word here. There is always hope, and it is the catalyst to greater things. We just need to help those we support, find it.

Hope as an anchor

To believe that a situation is not as dark as it appears, we need to attach our negative feelings to something tangible that is positive – like anchoring a boat to a pier in a storm. For Joe, he saw this second stroke as an isolated and unsurmountable event.

But this was his second stroke. It was not isolated – and neither was it completely unsurmountable. However, time was of the essence, so I took some time over the next few visits to really get to grips with how Joe was feeling.

Finding the right motivators

Joe recalled that he had had his first stroke at a young age, and the devastating blow to his health had left him feeling very similar to how he felt now. A keen gardener, his frustration was deepened by losing the ability to spend time doing what he loved best. Quickly, his friends clubbed together to buy and install a raised bed for his garden, and a mixture of vegetable seeds to get started. However, the condition was that they would have a barbecue by late Summer, with his homegrown vegetables as part of the spread. 

This combination of instilled hope, genuine care – and a goal with which Joe could challenge himself, had been just enough to take him out of his state of learned helplessness, and to set to work. I thought I spotted a glimmer of recognition of the similarity between that and his current situation, as he talked about the resulting barbecue – with fresh tomatoes, potatoes and onions on offer – all grown by his own hand. I asked if he might consider doing something similar this year, with a few of the same friends; unsure, he replied he would consider it. 

Recognising limited beliefs

Hope is the catalyst for turning a negative situation around, but it needs action to make those changes happen. First we need to recognise that part of the problem is to do with our limiting beliefs. Knowing that things are not as hopeless as we believe them to be, helps us to get to the next step. And the next step is a goal, a challenge that will take us out of our ‘comfort zone’ and force us to recognise that do have an element of control over our lives after all.

Changing how we talk to ourselves

Everything that we achieve in spite of our situation is something to be proud of. However, when learned helplessness has gone on for some time, we can often keep reverting to the negative self-talk that we’ve become accustomed to; even when we do achieve, our negativity can chime in with comments like ‘It’s just a one-off’, ‘Probably won’t manage that again’ – cancelling out the success we should be acknowledging. By helping clients to become aware of this unhelpful thought process, we can encourage them to replace it with positive self-talk, like ‘Not bad! I’ll do that again later’.  But it’s also important to remember – and be reminded – of these wins. 

Recording the wins

I asked Joe to help me to keep track of his progress, by jotting down a quick note of things he managed to do that he had not thought possible. In actual fact, it was to serve as a journal, so that he would see, each day, a growing list of accomplishments to inspire him to keep going. 

The plan worked. The list grew longer, and broader, until one day, I came in, and he wasn’t there. 

Scribbled on his notebook, were the words ‘IN GARDEN’. And there he was, at his raised bed, trowel in hand, potting tomato seedlings once again.

For Joe, having combatted those feelings of helplessness with his achievements after the first stroke helped him to regain his independence and freedom. That said, every person is different, and situations vary in how much can be done. But the important thing to remember, I feel, is that there is always something that can be done to make things a little better. 

And that’s where we can make a real difference.